Hi friends,
I recently went home to Columbus for a weekend to celebrate my stepdad’s retirement and an uncle’s induction into the Wall of Fame at the tennis club where he’s coached for 20+ years. I was grateful to witness both milestones, and I noticed common themes across both.
At my stepdad’s surprise party, so many of his and my mom’s former colleagues turned longtime friends showed up — even one of his New York-based colleagues flew in for the occasion. My mom set out a box where people could fill out and drop in cards with some of their memories from working with him over the years. When we got home, he read some of them out loud for fun. Most of them had almost nothing to do with the actual job — instead, they focused on shared (often funny) experiences, or memories of how he’d made them feel. One in particular stood out to me. It went something like this: “You were the first boss I had who made me feel like an equal. I’ll never forget that.”
At my uncle’s Wall of Fame induction, many people gave remarks — hardly any focusing much on the specifics of tennis at all. Instead, I heard many stories about the positive impact he’s had on his community. Stories about him coaching people across all ages, backgrounds and abilities every day in the scorching summer heat with a smile (and a big hat). Knowing the names of everyone who walks by the courts, regardless of whether they play or not. Helping build his students’ self esteem. Bringing joy to people going through tough life moments. Showing people what they are capable of with consistency and hard work. One person’s remarks stood out to me in particular, and I’ve been reflecting on them since: “He is someone who found his passion and purpose early on. The passion may be tennis but that’s not his purpose. It’s just a vehicle for his purpose, which is bringing people joy, building up their confidence, showing them what they can achieve with hard work and consistency.”
Witnessing both these family milestones spurred me to reflect on a few questions:
How can I show up better — in both the celebratory and tough moments — for the people I care about?
What are some of my passions (or heck, just things I enjoy) that could help serve a larger purpose (or make a small positive impact)?
How do I want people to remember me making them feel?
What small steps can I take today to help me better answer these questions?
These are the types of questions I’ve been pondering for a while, but especially since the pandemic lockdown, which was — to say the least — one of the shittiest, loneliest periods of my life. To be sure, I had it better than most and there were bright spots. But, confined to my studio apartment and just a handful of outdoor-only social gatherings on my docket, I developed some pretty horrendous recluse-like TV-and-social-media-viewing habits that I’m still working to correct.
One of the ways in which I’m trying to do this is through regular journaling — either in the Notes app on my phone or in a real-life notebook. I have found that doing so helps me refocus myself on the type of life I’d like to live. One with more connection, less scrolling. Focused more on being the type of person who has a positive impact on people’s feelings and my community instead of on reaching the metrics of “success” defined by corporate America.
What questions or habits help you refocus?
… or leave it in the comments.
Connect soon,
Katie
A (RELATED) READER SHARE:
The Power of a New Notebook
On a recent vacation, I was primarily in the Italian beach town of Amalfi, drinking negronis, housing pasta vongole, and vaping my little heart out (vacation rules). In addition to being gorgeous, Amalfitans have been manufacturing paper, a skill they learned from Arab traders, since as early as 1231. While we were there, I picked up a handbound journal from Tabula. There is nothing quite like a new journal to make you feel like anything is possible, and you can be anyone you want.
-shared by Maddie O’Connor, Brooklyn, NY, in her latest newsletter
P.S. You can probably get a “new” notebook for free. (See below.)
QUOTE WORTH REMEMBERING:
“I was told many years ago by my grandmother who raised me: If somebody puts you on a road and you don’t feel comfortable on it and you look ahead and you don’t like the destination, and you look behind and you don’t want to return to that place, step off the road.” -Maya Angelou
Recent read: The Storyteller by Jodi Picoult
Told from the perspective of a present-day baker struggling with her own loneliness and trauma whose new (and unexpected) friend forces her to re-enter society to reckon with questions of morality and ethics, and her own grandmother’s firsthand account of surviving the Holocaust, this book was incredibly moving and thought-provoking. I’m still coming back to some of the questions it raised for me, and to me, that’s a sign of a worthwhile read.
One more thought: Another pandemic-induced habit I’ve been trying to reel in is shopping, especially if it falls into the “fast fashion” category or involves single-use plastic. I noticed that though buying something new after an afternoon of shopping (or online browsing) may have given me a thrill in the moment, oftentimes I felt drained or even guilty in the days that followed. I realized that not only was this borderline addictive habit bad for my mental and financial health — it also wasn’t great for the environment.
Here’s what I’ve been doing instead if I’m on the hunt for something:
Looking for the item on my neighborhood “Buy Nothing” Facebook group. I don’t like Facebook for much of anything these days, but resources like this are the reason I still have it. If you type in “Buy Nothing [your city, state / neighborhood name]” in the Facebook search, I’m betting you’ll find one in your community. It’s a place to give away items you no longer need to people nearby who could use them or get items you need for free. It’s also a great way to meet your neighbors.
Listing items I haven’t worn or used in at least 6 months on Poshmark and using the money I get from sales to search for and purchase lightly used (or even brand new) versions of the items I now need.
Perusing my local secondhand stores for items that can refresh my wardrobe or home and oftentimes, give money to a local charity working for a cause I care about. (My favorite place to go in NYC is Housing Works.)
TLDR: In case you haven’t heard, our planet is dying. Our fixation with producing and accumulating new “stuff” isn’t helping Earth… or our own health (at least in my case). Plenty of what we may need has already been produced — we just have to find it within our communities.
Thanks for sharing these questions! I’ve used them in my journal today :)
Love it :)